The Lassie Method.

Now that I'm getting a little more accustomed to the incessant heat; the necessity of wearing mosquito spray, and the luxury of bucket baths, there is still one thing that never fails to drive me up the wall on a daily basis: language classes. My apologies to the Peace Corps for criticizing its program, but if I don't vent a little here, I'm liable to assault someone. (No volunteers or instructors were injured in the writing of this post.)

Almost every day, I attend Gulimancema class, taught in French. Somehow, when I first arrived in-country, I must have aced my initial French competency exam, because I was subsequently placed in a class where everyone is fluent in French. I am not fluent in French. Not even close. So there's that problem, right off the bat. I would like to preface what I have to say next with the fact that, personally, I like my teacher (or Language Competency Facilitator, or "LCF," because the Peace Corps lurves its acronyms); he's a great guy, very friendly and thoughtful. During Gulimancema class, however, he is The Enemy. He apparently believes that the best way to teach a foreign language is through charades: first, he says a word in Gulimancema, then he makes a gesture. Then, the fun begins! Obviously, at this point, nobody in the class has a clue what he is talking about, so he emphatically repeats the word and the same gesture, then again... and again. Finally, tentatively, one of us will call out a word in French, with the hope that somehow it will be the desired solution to the puzzle. But it isn't, and our LCF shakes his head; and again intones the word; and then everyone starts shouting out words; our guesses becoming more desperate and random. Eventually, one of us will speak the desired word -- the LCF will nod, announce "C'est ça" ("That's it"), and then immediately say another word in Gulimancema, followed by another gesture. And so my personal hell continues. Mind you, the man speaks perfect French, so if he really wanted to he could simply say the word in Gulimancema and then translate it into French. But instead, he subscribes to what I have decided to call "The Lassie Method of Teaching" (at one point, during one of our sessions, I guessed in frustration, "What, Timmy fell down the well?")

Who knows, maybe this obscene version of Pictionary is an intentional exercise in frustration, to help us develop patience. If I do eventually end up becoming fluent in Gulimancema through this maddening method, I will take back everything I have written here and whispered under my breath in class.